1 post tagged “weddings”

Periodically, I like to be certain my husband really understands how special I am.  Well, unique anyway.  Well, maybe just different.  Anyway, I recently shocked him with yet another revelation of my abilities.  Do not let your mind head toward the gutter at this point.  That is NOT where this is going.  One my unheralded abilities is that I am able to cry at weddings.  Any wedding. Any time.  I am the queen of the cry.  He didn’t believe me.

A few weeks ago I had the golden opportunity to show him the champion I am.  His coworker was married and both the bride and groom are complete strangers to me.  The wedding was truly the most beautiful I have ever seen.  An exquisite historical location, perfect weather, the perfect bride and groom, and no expense spared.  Everything was absolutely exquisitely understated.  It was quite honestly, perfect.

I was drawn into the absolute uniqueness of this wedding as the middle-aged first-time bride seemed to float toward her groom.  There were many references to this love coming as such a gift to them at this stage of life.  No one could escape the emotional pull as the bride was escorted down the aisle by her elderly father.  I waited for the tingles to begin and hoped my waterproof mascara would hold up.

Nothing.

The vows were powerful and combined traditional sentiment with cultural heritage.   The pastor slowly and thoroughly explained the power of wedding vows and how seriously the Lord regards them.  The orange sun got lower and lower in front of us.  Unlike the other guests, I had no sunglasses and didn’t want to seem crass by shielding my eyes.  Stoically, I squinted and waited.

But my eyes would not cooperate.

I went introspective and thought about my wedding and what a genuinely happy day it was.  And how, given the opportunity, I would marry Checkered a million times over.  As though he could read my mind, we smiled at each other.

Zip.

I thought about dropping our kids off with their grandparents.  Kenseth had been struggling with asthma all day and was understandably nervous about being away from us at bedtime.

I almost left to go get him, but was still tearless.

I looked around at the variety of fashion and thought about how a hundred years ago, we would color-coordinate for these kinds of events and then photograph ourselves for posterity.  I thought about how we now wear whichever clothing buttons, snaps, and zips with the least battle.

Bone-dry.

I thought about how I had on the wrong bra for my dress and no matter how warm it got later, I would not be able to take my jacket off.

Nada.

I thought about how the waistband of my pantyhose had become mysteriously de-elasticized since the start of the evening.  The former control top became low-rise pantyhose and threatened to, with a sudden move, become knee highs.  Surely that would start the emotion, but my eyes were…

Not even shimmering.

The beautiful and moving ceremony was over.  Checkered looked at my eyes and smirked.  What was wrong?! Maybe I was seriously dehydrated! 

But the truth was screaming and I recognized it:  the reign of the wedding-cry queen was over.