2 posts tagged “grammar”

Do you remember your last grammar lesson?  Let’s hope so, because today we are having a POP QUIZ!

Today’s quiz topic:  subject/verb agreement

For each of the following sentences, choose which verb is the correct answer. 

Remember #1: Cross out all prepositional phrases (they start with a preposition and end with a noun or pronoun.)  Do this because the main subject and verb in a sentence will NEVER occur in a prepositional phrase.

Remember #2:  The following words always take a singular verb:

one, anyone, everyone, someone, nobody, anybody, everybody, somebody, nothing, anything, everything, something, each, either, neither.

Ready?  Let’s begin.

1. Everyone in the neighborhood (ignore, ignores) him.

2. Either of our school’s principals  (deserve, deserves) to be selected.

3. Neither of my sisters (own, owns) a Chrysler vehicle. Bad, bad, very bad girls....

4. This tie and shirt (match, matches) his skin tone.

5. I am one of those people who (is, are) very shy.

Answers:

I wish the answers were upside down so you couldn’t cheat, but my techno-savvy isn’t so advanced.  Here they are:

1.  ignores

2. deserves

3. owns

4. match (The rule here is that subjects joined by AND usually take a plural verb; there are, of course, a zillion loopholes to that rule.)

5.  are (The rule here is that  WHO, WHICH, and THAT  take singular verbs if the word they replace is singular.  They take plural verbs if they word they replace is plural.  In this case who replaces the noun immediately before it: people.)

If you are swearing at the screen right now, let’s try something a bit easier to own: word use.  Let's try between and among.  Do you use them correctly?  The word BETWEEN is used when there are only two things. (I had to choose between chocolate and vanilla.)  The word AMONG is used for three or more things.  (I had to choose from among chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry.)

That’s it.  You are grammatically enriched. Congratulations on completing This Week in Composition with Dr. Caution.

A hundred years ago, I joined the most noble of professions.  I became a teacher.  Although I doubted that I would ever be equal to the needs of my students, I dreamed of awakening them to the beauty and complexity of literature.    They would compose, read, critique and we would all have conversations with five-syllable words.  

In fact, teaching has been so much greater than I might have imagined.  I've watched as students may not have fallen in love with literature and grammar, but did discover that they didn't have to detest it.  I've read as they share their lives and articulate their dreams and traumas.  I love what I do for work.

And so, off we go to the local college where I have a little job teaching composition classes.

Several years ago, I was nine months pregnant, highly immobile and teaching a late evening class. In that class were two students seriously in love.  They always sat in a darkened corner of the room where the overhead light never seemed to work.  She sat in front of him.  While the class engaged in the search for verbs, subjects, and prepositional phrases, they engaged in foreplay.  For a few sessions, it was simply an apparent delight in her strawberry gold hair which cascaded over his books.  Then, he couldn't resist; he began to spend class finger-combing her tresses.  Then the face caresses began.  And then there was the fateful night.  The hair, the face weren't enough, and she arched her back to recline uncomfortably on his desk.  Nobody was paying attention to the grammar and several were staring in shock as the love-couple safely reached second base.  All this during prepositional phrase night!

It would seem that I have YET ANOTHER love-couple this term.  I really don't get this hormonal rush during English.  Why not biology or health? This couple sits side by side: desks a solid 18 inches apart, but love is love.  The first few nights of class, she would simply reach across the aisle and rub his arm. Then she passionately began to rub his face and neck.  Then one night, she would not be limited. I will admit that I did admire how far her arm had to reach to touch him.  But, really, enough is enough and I was there to ensure that students got an appropriate education and I determined to end the PDA in my class.  But then, the most unexpected, most rewarding  response came not from me, but from the boyfriend.

Even as she worked diligently to convey her love, he responded.  It was not a loving gaze nor a tender caress.  It wasn't a look of longing nor a whispered affection.  It was loud and prolonged.  It was audible to everyone in the lecture room.  It was honest, purely physical, and completely unrestrained. 

It was a SNORE. 

Love may make the world go round, but it is evidently very tired, too.