2 posts tagged “christmas gifts”
You are about to witness something amazing. But this knowledge could potentially put you in harm’s way, so this is the closest thing I have to a blindfold. You’ll be better off not knowing our path.
We’re going to glimpse one of Santa’s stashes which just happens to share space with one of Caution’s caches.
You will just have to trust me as we go. I would probably, surely, maybe, hopefully not lead you astray.
Okay. We’re there!! You may take off the blindfold. It will take a moment for your eyes to adjust and your mind to comprehend what you are seeing.
This Santa substation is a highly sought-after location. I know some people who would empty their banks for this knowledge. One guy says he would endure a broken bone just to know! They’ve searched and searched and think they know, and they’re probably right. What they don’t know is how to open the lock. Score one for Santa.
See the loot? No! No. Everything you see is not necessarily Santa stuff. Most of the big boxes are just serving as a resting place for Santa’s loot. We’re really not sure what is inside the big boxes, but they successfully annoy anyone who comes to work on the furnace and that’s makes the day worthwhile. We always think about opening them to see what’s in there, but then we get distracted. We’ve been successfully distracted for nine years now.
Now look again at the Santa goods. There is a huge problem which is about to become an even bigger problem. Every time an elf delivered a gift to us, we quickly used the secret code to open the door and simply threw the gift inside before quickly closing and locking the door. The spies are everywhere, so timing is everything. It is unfortunate that we now have no idea which things are for which child. In other words, there is a possibility that one or more of our children will have nothing come Christmas. We really do try for an equal division of goods, but sometimes Santa goofs and we end up with a ratio of about 1,000,000 things for one child and 1 for each of the others. That’s just ugly.
So somehow I must get this sorted. Santa keeps asking what we have for each child. He needs to know so things can get balanced. I would call him, but that would run my minutes up and we know what happens then!
Okay. Our tour is over. Any more time here and you would be put to work. But can’t you just feel the anticipation? The potential devastation? The spies who are currently listening at the door? The blindfold back in place, and please forget that you’ve ever seen this. We wouldn’t want anyone’s Christmas joy to be prematurely revealed. Afterall, who isn’t just longing to find this in his or her stocking?
It’s just strange, strange, strange. The kids are fighting for piano practice time. They’re asking for their vitamin pills every morning. They’re inquiring about our health. The playroom is neat. Homework is gleefully completed. The only grouchy people in this house are the adults. Yes, something is really off.
Could it have something to do with these arriving in our mailbox EVERY day?
They have some sort of mysterious power over the kids who spend hours searching every detail of each page and carefully staking their claims.
But wait! Some things they are asking for are things we already own.
Some things they are asking for are things we already own and are currently trying to sell.
And sometimes, well, let’s just say their enthusiasm is difficult to curb.
So why is it, after all this, when we ask Kahne what he wants for Christmas, he says,
“I just can’t think of a single thing.”
