Ben the Beagle Gets Fixed
Ben the Beagle is getting fixed/neutered/altered/castrated today. Whatever you call it, this procedure has caused a great deal of discussion around our kitchen table. I have two sisters and no brothers, so I must admit that these aggressively open dinner conversations come as a shock to me.
Caution: Tomorrow is Ben’s big day. I have to take Ben to get fixed.
Kids: What do you mean "get fixed"? Is something broken?
Caution: No. The vet needs to do this so Ben won’t get into trouble.
Stewart: Ben’s a good dog. What’s the vet going to do? Give him another shot?
Caution: It’s a bit more than a shot. He’s going to have a small operation.
Kids: WHAT??? WHY???
Caution: We need to reduce his aggression.
Junior: So he’ll stop biting us?
Caution: Yes. That’s part of it.
Stewart: Is this because he pees all over the house?
Caution: Yes, that’s part of it, too.
Kenseth: So they’re cutting his wiener off? If they do, Ben will never pee again!
Caution: No! His you-know-what isn’t getting cut off.
Kenseth: Then it must be his other inappropriate equipment that’s cutting cut.
All Flag boys: Yuck!!!!! Ouch!!!!
Kahne: So why is the vet doing this?
Caution: To keep Ben from wanting to get a girlfriend.
Boys: Is that what you’re going to do to us so we don’t get girlfriends?
Caution: Yuck!!! I want you to have girlfriends!
Junior: Are you serious about all this stuff?
Stewart: Of course she is, Junior. That’s what happens to dogs.
Kahne: Why is the vet going to do this?
Caution: To reduce Ben's risk of testicular cancer.
Kids: Oh!
Kahne: Hey, guys! Guess what? Ben’s getting his wiener cut off so he’ll never pee again. Isn’t that gross???
And family dinner time continues.
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